In the early morning of March 6th, I left Chicago headed for Cambodia. With two small suitcases in-hand, I had every expectation of living in Phnom Penh for a full three months.

Then, on March 20th, in the chaos of COVID-19, the U.S. Department of State advised U.S. citizens to arrange for immediate return home. To paraphrase, the message I received was, “Come home now, unless you are prepared to remain abroad indefinitely. Either way, you’re on your own.”

On the afternoon of March 23rd, I abruptly left Cambodia. I connected through Taiwan hours before their airport shut down, and landed in Chicago twenty-eight hours later.

Three long months, turned into two short weeks.

It all happened so fast. The day before I left, I shared the following with people on my email list.

Shortly after returning home, a friend stopped by to drop-off some food and say hello. She stood 6-feet away, on the other side of my fenced-in front yard. During our conversation, she shared about a time in her life when she clearly heard God call her to something. Then, when it didn’t work out the way she planned, it left her wondering - “Did I hear God correctly?”

She then asked me that same question as it relates to feeling called to Cambodia:

“Do you think you heard God correctly?”

I love this woman for many reasons - one of which is her bold spirit and zero B.S. approach. We’ve sat in many intimate circles together, and asked each another difficult questions such as this.

What came out of my mouth was a little surprising to me, since I hadn’t journaled through it or talked about it out loud yet. I said…

Initially, when this all went down, I was a little hurt by God. I was a little frustrated and confused. I definitely asked the question, “Why did you call me here, if you knew this would happen?” I may never have a clear answer to that question, but I believe I was supposed to go to Cambodia and I believe I heard God correctly.

Obviously this turned out really different than I had planned, but that’s the risk we take whenever we step out into the unknown. We never know how our plans are going to pan out, but God does.

God knew COVID-19 was coming. I don’t believe God caused COVID-19. However, I believe he is allowing it to happen. To me, those are two different things. I believe this pandemic is the result of a broken world full of illness and disease. I have to believe through all of the pain, suffering, and death, there will be good on the other side. Of course, I could be wrong - this is just where I’m at.

The point is, God knew a global pandemic was coming, he isn’t surprised by any of this.

If I’m being really honest… if I knew a global pandemic was coming… if I knew I’d only be in Cambodia for two weeks, instead of the three months I had envisioned… if I knew how all of this would go down… I probably would not have gone.

I want to be really clear. I do not regret going.

What I’m saying is, if I knew how hard this was going to be, I probably wouldn’t have chosen it. If six months ago (when I initially felt a stirring about this), God had pulled me aside and said:

“Hey, I love that you’re responding to this calling, that’s great, you’re listening… but just a heads up, there’s a global pandemic coming, and it will result in you returning home after just two weeks. Do you still want to go?”

My human brain and heart would have said, “That sounds like a mess. It’s probably easier if I just stay home.”

Knowing what I know now, I could have avoided:

• The entire fundraising process

• Judgement from people who thought I was crazy for going in the first place (COVID-19 aside)

• Packing up my life for three months when it would only be two weeks

• Planning a two week visit from my husband (that would never happen)

• All of the pain, heartache, and stress of being on the other side of the world from loved ones as this was all unfolding

I could have avoided all of those things, and much more. Six months ago I probably would have said “no thanks” and walked away - knowing on paper how this would all end up. 

God knows this about us. That’s why he doesn’t always give us insight into what’s coming. He knows we can’t handle too many details about the future - especially the hard stuff (and there’s always hard stuff). If we know too much, we’ll get scared, and we won’t put one foot in front of the other and do “the next thing” - whatever that is.

Avoiding the hard things in life isn’t what grows us. Getting through the hard things is what shapes us and makes us better.

Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full affect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4

I love the word “consider” in this verse - which means “to think carefully, believe”. 

James isn’t saying, “It is great joy whenever you experience various trials”, he’s saying to consider it… think carefully about it… believe it… because it produces endurance, it makes you mature and complete.

So yes, I think I heard God correctly. He knew all of this was going to happen, but he called me to it anyway. Why? I’m not 100% sure yet. I assume it has something to do with this verse from James. Either way, I’m believing God can see the bigger picture. He knows that even though this has been a challenging experience for me, I’ll be better on the other side because of it. 

If this resonated with you at all, feel free to leave a comment or send me a message. I’d love to hear how the trials in your life have shaped you and made you better. Or perhaps you’re in the thick of it right now (like me) and just need some prayer.