The Summer That Often Felt Like Winter
Historically, June through September is my favorite time of year. These months include my birthday, 4th of July, bonfires, pool days, and a natural time of rest.
However, this summer often felt like winter to me.
Let me explain.
Just like we have four seasons in nature, we also have four “seasons of the soul”. “Summer” is defined as a season of rest, abundance, and life… and “winter” is marked by hibernation, loss, and grief. Over the last 3+ months I’ve been shifting between these opposite seasons, and in many ways I’ve been experiencing them at the same time.
As you know, we welcomed our baby girl into the world on June 13th… but what I didn’t share was that 5 days prior we said goodbye to our dog Gatsby - who had been a part of our family for 11 years.
The loss of a family pet is one thing, then mix in birth, the rise and fall of hormones, and the inevitable sleep deprivation. I felt a whirlwind of emotions in just a handful of days.
Over the last several months I’ve had to hold joy and grief in tension. I’ve learned that I can be both happy and sad at the same time... that my heart can feel full and also like there’s a huge piece missing... and even as I'm surrounded by family, I can still feel a sense of loneliness.
It's a little disorienting having to experience these things that contradict one another. These things that are opposite, yet somehow true. Has this ever happened to you?
It reminds me of this quote about the paradoxical nature of God.
“God is beyond the grasp of every concept I have of Him. He is utterly incomprehensible. Yes, God is everything revealed in Scripture, but also infinitely more… God is immanent (so close) and yet transcendent (so utterly above and far from us). God is knowable, yet He is unknowable. God is inside us and beside us, yet He is wholly different from us.
For this reason Augustine wrote, ‘If you understand, it is not God you understand.’ Most of the time, I have no idea what God is doing.”
This is a quote I come back to time and time again. It has provided me comfort in various seasons where I’m struggling to understand God's ways and this messy, human life I'm living. I’m reminded that sometimes things don’t make sense, and it’s not my job to understand.
God understands, He understands us, and that's somehow enough.
